I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
