We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
