Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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