you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
