My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
