I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
