Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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