I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
