I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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