Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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