Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
