Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
