My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
