Your tits are I can't wait for
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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