The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
