don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
