I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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