I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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