Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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