apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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