i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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