They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
