put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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