u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
