that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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