I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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