I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
