so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
