I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
