You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
