Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
