South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
