I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
