I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
