I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
