Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
