I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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