i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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