do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
