Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
