If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
