Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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