He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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