Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
