My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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