i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
love makes seman taste better
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
