I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize