All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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