Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
