I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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