is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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