I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
