careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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