then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Randomize
