Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
