I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
