I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
