I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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