wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
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Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
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I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Holy shit dude........stairs
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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