my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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