The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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