I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
