So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
