I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
