Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
