You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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