Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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